imagination or reality

i always hate how it feels to be woken up from dreams that you can't never get in reality. in a situation where you suffer from bad bad conflicts, you always wanted to be strayed away from it as soon as you could. it's like this; whether you confront it, or you just wanted to run away from it. i'm a typical human who always fall into the second category. i don't have the strength, or just yet speak in the loudest volume of inner feeling. in dream, you can always be in a condition that's out of control. that is the best part. the worst part is just that the dream (the storyline) has the possibility to be converged wayyy opposite than the way it should be felt. and how our emotion from the latest condition that we face diffused in, that is just another horrible things (that you thought were the last thing to came across) that is potrayed in that dream. damn. like when i dreamed of my guy with someone who was very familiar, tried to sneak in and shake the already complicated relationship. & being flirty. the projection came right after i saw and felt this blissful situation of me and him walking together, giggle in free. what a day.

maybe my emotions are mixed up that i woke up in grey.

with the new year's coming up, i always wanted to understand myself more so that i feel confident in every decision that i make. self understanding leads to rational reasons for every step that you take. when it doesn't work, you always feel like you don't know what you want in this life. like when you don't know which one is the best; being happy for the sake of someone else,and remain blur. or being ignorant to them but being happy for yourself. i know i know you can always say that the second choice is the best. but how much that it costs in one's life; you never know. i can portray you in my future, but then the rough ways always pave in. and i feel like almost giving up. i'm building myself to be better human being. hm. 

i'm not that kejam to get rid of people in my life without reason. or at least when i said that i had given it some try. and when it didn't work, i just felt sorry for myself that i couldn't bear in such tense in life.

and i always hope that things just get well; like it was in that dream. almost pun takpe. it's not about miracle only; it's the combination of faith, strength and doa.

every cloud has it's very own silver lining.

i hope you understand.

 ..

 

merely us

the most destructive habit - worry

the greatest joy - giving

the greatest loss - loss of self respect

the most satisfying work - helping others

the ugliest personality trait - selfishness

the most endangered species - dedicated leaders

our greatest natural resource - our youth

the greatest 'shot in the arm' - encouragement

the greatest problem to overcome - fear

the most effective sleeping pill - peace of mind

the most crippling failure disease - excuses

- flyhigh, 2010 -

not botox

as i am excited & had looked forward to meet my roomates and friends this weekend, i think of something that is suitable to be given to my roomate for my visit. as we both love to eat, food is the first thing that popped out from my mind. i had this dish called botok-botok (not botox) yesterday & perhaps i could manage to bring some to kl. botok-botok is a johorean dish made up of seer fish (tenggiri) marinated in curry paste & steamed together with many types of leaves. the aromatic scent of the dish might somehow being mistaken with otak-otak for people who never eaten it before. oh btw it's our favourite to have it as our meal. you can never find it; or shall i say it's hard to be found at other place than johor itself. *sounds soo like documentary.haha*

credits to google

botok-botok is best served with hot plain rice. i bet you will savour the taste! as the dish is made up of many herbs & leaves like ginger, tapioca leaves, pucuk janggus, daun kaduk & so on, it is considered as a healthy food. plus the method of cooking is steam instead of fry or something else. so, why don't you give a try? 

:))

too bad that botok-botok is only available at night market at my neighborhood area. guess that i have to think of other thing to bring. shikin maslan & faziela abdullah; can't wait to see you guys tomorrow!

once a food lover, always a food lover. ;p

birthday ahda

 snacks for door gifts

yet to be packed.

feast:

fried noodle, french fries, pudding, porridge, fried chickens, oranges & snacks

just simple ones as they (i still consider kids) had technically ate anything that we've prepared. ngehngeh ;))

 sakinah &the balloons

 she's fond to stuff like this lately. & the korean waves. thanks to her sisters ahda & uda

-__-

 cake for the birthday girl

 ceyhceyhceyh~

& last but not least, the birthday girl: ahda

jgn lupa angah nanti next year bila ada makan-makan macamni

i'm gonna miss it

not two birds with one stone

today is sunday. sunday means family day. it's gloomy out there. there is no longer temptation or any desire to do anything. killing two birds with one stone is what people say when you get two excited things altogether. i thought i got it. but it only lasted until yesterday. sigh. i don't know how to please two people at a time.or maybe that i don't have any intelligence of managing time; or emotion at this moment. or due to lack of confidence; or driving skills; or it's just me of making good excuses to escape. sigh sigh sigh sigh.

oh btw happy 13th birthday my dear sister

i hope this would be so good to you to be happy on this day

instead of me being gloomy today

may you will be more loved by people around you

and excel in your life.

bye.

hm

guys : please note that girl who is under stress will not immediately concern about finding a solution for her problem but she will rather seeks relief and find someone who she can express her feeling . girls just want to be understood . they wanted to be needed , not only just to be .

- phoenixfurtado, facebook 2010- 






jangan suka2 lama2 jadi duka. dah kena baru tahu.
bad.
bad.
bad.
worse.
hm.

it is scary

to notice that you've some sort of become the person that you've been running away from. like the interest. or maybe the thought. or just simple stuffs like food.

ya Allah, tolonglah aku untuk lebih menjadi diri sendiri.

i just couldn't stand living in the shadow.

choice

love lost. or just soul?

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's a time to change, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey

reminiscing back on how people feel towards you might somehow make you reflect back on the past. we do truly miss on people whom did make our life meaningful those days. it is impossible to avoid yourself from making mistakes or just having fights. like when we have friends. or loved ones. i try to clarify, at this point where time can change anything. even if you're not changing, the world around you does. there's no point to keep on lamenting about the past when you should planning a step ahead for your future. don't blame yourself for bad things that had happened. it's not about being coward to accept the blame, it's just about moving forward. 

the point that i want to make it clear is that learn to let go. but, as you go along the path of life, don't forget to sometimes look back to remind yourself not to make the same mistake twice. i came across drops of jupiter ; it eventually make me think back. i felt stupid to cry for someone so hard that i forgot to enjoy the sweetness of teenage life. boo me. like when i felt that the world was tumbling down, there's still new things that awaits for me. i'm being grateful that though i had trouble grasping for good, i still have people who supported me. you should stare back and say, hey, i lose you but i don't lose myself. it is a realisation that one too, must grow if she's truly live life.stop being cranky. there's always room to change. life is not all you thought it would be.

so right now, at this moment, i learn to appreciate myself more and respect my feeling. what more is that this is not about high school years that only love that you can only see. it is also about the acceptance of other's differences and how they adapt on it. future is scary. but, can you imagine, or rate your life according to people around you? or how can you tell that you're actually happy or is it just another day that you hold back your grief, smile big and fake your happiness?

And did you finally get the chance
To dance along the light of day?
And did you fall for a shooting star?
Fall for a shooting star?
And now you're lonely looking for yourself out there

"I see that you've done all of these wonderful things, and I'm sure they make you feel like you are more important than everyone else here, but did any of them actually make you happy?"

i don't have that answer.

demi masa #1 dec 2006

demi masa.yes.time.when i do nothing, past memories keep coming back across my mind. like what were i'm doing in this month for past few years.i don't know.it's just a memory;

dec 2006 :

spm was like the big event for the next year. i still worn my bad habit;procrastinating. i was not in the pop group, yet a dork back in high school. end of the year was spent with family. vacation. friends; and noticing how much we didn't see each other for such a time. this time, boarding school was sucks. to me. i don't know how i could eventually survive in such a situation. the only comfort that i got was the words from my dad. i could say that i called him like at least once a week. i.am.such.a.crybaby. again the worry was still on the exam. i wonder how i could get through the add maths paper without the sense of being stupid.loser. math genius.

talk later =)

.

a day at home

just like i did. everyday.

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hols effect

i practically didn't make any effort to burn fat eversince the hols started. result is like kind of visible. i've gained 4kilos. it's a big scare.seriously. i dont know how to manage my hols instead of two major things; eat and sleep. holiday with family; done. surfing net; always. novel session; daily. sleep; whenever i get bored. it's not too late to notice that it's only the early december. now tell me how i'm going to survive this hols without feeling so much empty. we need break but yeah; a break with nothing to look forward? you're going to die in boredom. 

di mana kawan-kawan sekalian? cik jasmawani sila roger saya. too bad my passport's not with me. or else we gonna have a fun getaway to singapore. boxing day. spree. ohhhhh how i miss the old days.

hmmmm....

.

new turn

few days left before zulhijjah comes to and end

& before muharram reaches us

looking for good things for the upcoming year

new hope

may we are all be blessed by Allah always

--

pezzi- in pieces

"Do not apologize for crying. without this emotion, we are only robots"

just let it out. wholeheartedly.

 - Eat, pray, love -

.

forever drama

scene is translated to english.

scene 1

sis 1 : angah what's the difference between horrible and terrible.

(b4 i can explain)

sis 2 : (interrupting) horrible is horrible and terrible is terrible. can u just see it? duhh

me : (giggle nonstop)

sis 2 : see. my brain is like angah's brain.

me : hahahahahahahaha. stupid

scene 2

her : can u just please turn ur head for a while

me : whatever lah. u just that excited to have fb acc for now.

her : ok. u can see the screen now

me : what the heck. hahahahahahaha. oh my i never came across ppl who wrote password before mail.

oh ye my sis is so damn excited to log in her fb acc for the first time. 

& declaring herself to be like me? haha. oh my that will never happen.

along baliklah cepat.

i just can't stand laughing for all this madness at home alone.

:DD

.

my other girlfriends

 

starting a piece of writing with proverb seems catchy. heheh. so today i went to one of the favorite places that i don't mind spending my time a lot; bookfair. i sooo love to read books; novels to be specific. yeahh it sound flat. but i don't mind. when i first hit the entrance, i went straight to fictions, where i was so kind of excited that i nearly knock out people. hahaha. seeing tonnes of book's like blissfully heaven. :)

rebates up to 70%! felt like grabbing the whole store. but just can't  -_-

self enrichment + effort = success. another catchy ads.

which one to buy eyh?

this one was taken right before the money was handed to cashier.

like most mother did, complaining about things seem endless.

books were filtered due to the price. & the quantity.

duhh.

little girl who's scared to leave the basket 4 a while. which she ended up carrying it everywhere.

owh. finally after rolling eyes up to the stuffs, 4 books were selected. hard to choose actually. *eyh why i suddenly lose my words. dah mcm xreti nak tulis ajeh. hesh*

another girlfriends :)

after the walk and the buying, i do feel that books are more tempting than hunting for jobs. i mean there's lot of vob vacancies in the mall. shop assistant, cashier, bla bla bla. but but .. i don't feel i need one. even the one from metrojaya can't excite me much. soo helo novels. i'm gonna be with you for couple of hours a day. boyfriend's got jealous with it. haha. ;p

& what more?

bedroom

another comfy place to lie & happily laze around with books.

immersing yourself into the story.

pillows and blanket. perfect set up.

oh yah. for people around jb who loves reading, checkout the bookfair organised by popular at danga city mall. nov 25 to dec 5. you'll definitely grab at least a piece & never go back empty-handed. happy holiday. & happy reading!

.

for friends

appreciate friends who still want to befriend with you

accept flaws and indifferences

don't make silly things as a big issue

and most of all, stand bold dear

enough said rite

=)

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trifles

i don't bother when

1) people steal my seat at Mcd.

2) some die-hard-fan of whomever on telly shouts at their max when their fav. appear on somekind of show. or awards. or just stupid lame ads.

3) i lose in games that weren't supposed at my level. like the zombies or diner dash.

4) the salesgirl doesn't even throw a smile at me when i'm in the shop.

5) the fact that caramel is better than choc. or vice versa. i just swallow both.

it can be slightly upset to know that

1) i'm starving and there's zero food in the kitchen

2) i can't drive right now. because i'm scared. boo me~

3) i don't receive any message today. minus the hotlink thingy. promoting the caller ringtone

4) my sisters have the habit of pinching my cheeks whenever they like

5) there's no interesting things on telly. i mean hello. this is holiday.

it's a total downer when it comes to

1) bad bad results. i can cry for technically the whole night long

2) knowing that i'm just don't have the gut to share my probs. which i end up feeling like a loser.

3) my handphone isn't working. or no credit. when it's urgent. damn

4) my sisters are shouting when i'm asleep.

5) i've watched telly, surf net, eat, sleep and found that i'm still bored at home. duhh

see the word telly. telly. & telly again. told ya i'm a lame person.

& i end up sleeping. again. 

kerja or tak kerja?

seeing updates in fb makes me think twice

to work or not to work

there's seem job vacancies somewhere here

but but but

to get a job or not?

cukup ke sebulan lebih nak spend time dgn family?

tapi nak experience jugak

money doesn't be the matters

but i'm thinking of engaging myself in real life

rather than bulking up fats at home

dah macam mane niiiiiii

T_T

.

semester break

here comes the hols again.

so.

i want to.

# learn to cook

# teach sibs english

# going to book fair

# get a digicam

# drive. perhaps?

# & a. job?. -it's not a need, but i feel want to-

pray hard.

& eat a lot. (of course.haha)

.

flying high!

finally. dah boleh submit form. yeay!

to friends, let's join this.

untung2 manetahu kan boley kenal ramai kawan lagi 

=)

.

minggu yang busy

now is 22 oct. exams are on 1st & 2nd nov. days are filled with group study, eat, sleep as well. tension is in the air; wifi's not working, tonnes of forms to be filled, documents to be photocopied, & soo little time to be spent together. till the very last week before exams pon still ade lecture. & lecture. & lecture. thank god the naggings don't fill up the remaining time. now is tension. now is tension. now is tension. medical checkup tak buat lagi, fitting for lounge suit pun will be the next on the list. meeting and meeting and meeting. really tiring. barang tak packing lagi. dan makan makan makan makan like there's no tomorrow. i think that's just merely a waste, i mean for my effort of jogging for the sake of keeping fit. but the desire & food tempation's wayyy out of control. i know it's a temporary bliss; but who can actually resist it? kan. upcoming event? no. there's none at this moment. i just hoping that exams are over so that i can finally breath normally again. family, can't wait for you guys to come o'here during deepa hols. really.

tension juga bila takboley nak submit form untuk flyhigh programme. ade sape2 nak tolong dgn rela hati isikan form untuk saya? pelis3 T_T

what makes my day.

 potato chips

tomato flavour please

*double like*

 milo.

be it either cold, warm or hot.

it'll definitely cheer me up!

finally.

the-must-be stuff in the handbag;

 

clorets ocean mint flavor.

perfect for healing nausea problem.

another alternative when asam isn't around. 

tak tahulah.

saya tak tahu kenapa begini jadinya

i'm completing the final assignment tasks for this sem

but yet facing this identity problem

perhaps as well affecting other people;

with documents to be sorted out and processed

&& little time to study for final exams

mind that my papers are on 2nd & 3rd nov 2010;

seriously rasa macam tak cukup masa

to juggle all things together

kenapalah rasanya masa terlalu sikit

dulu beriye-iye nak tinggalkan kedah;

& why is it only now that

do you find it hard, that you're not as strong as you once thought;

& even if you run you might get caught, so you won't go

& you'll be the last to know

haish.

the girl your friends warned you about

stop being crybaby. teruk kan3. hmmm. so so so so after class, get back to room. doing some kind of therapy. sape2 rase dye loser xpayah bace. or or just sape2 yang ter'benci saya kan. saya mintak maaf sangat3. ok dah. rasa lega bila dah cakap. when it comes to sooth yourself, you need to pamper your mind, soul & body.

my therapy consists of:

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500 days of summer.

 i love summer. & autumn too.

who needs perfection kan?

my sassy girl

 this version touched me more than the korean one.

just don't blame the girl. u get me.

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or or or maybe;

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pampering myself 

at hairstyle studio?

*nod2*

hair saloon.

how perfect is that?

pampering yourself instead of sobbing over something.

i am tired of crying.

dah ye.

hope all IS REALLY WELL.

sorry..

ok let's just get right.

enjoy your weekend!

*noob giler bunyinya*

don't listen to what they say. they don't know me anyway.