imagination or reality

i always hate how it feels to be woken up from dreams that you can't never get in reality. in a situation where you suffer from bad bad conflicts, you always wanted to be strayed away from it as soon as you could. it's like this; whether you confront it, or you just wanted to run away from it. i'm a typical human who always fall into the second category. i don't have the strength, or just yet speak in the loudest volume of inner feeling. in dream, you can always be in a condition that's out of control. that is the best part. the worst part is just that the dream (the storyline) has the possibility to be converged wayyy opposite than the way it should be felt. and how our emotion from the latest condition that we face diffused in, that is just another horrible things (that you thought were the last thing to came across) that is potrayed in that dream. damn. like when i dreamed of my guy with someone who was very familiar, tried to sneak in and shake the already complicated relationship. & being flirty. the projection came right after i saw and felt this blissful situation of me and him walking together, giggle in free. what a day.

maybe my emotions are mixed up that i woke up in grey.

with the new year's coming up, i always wanted to understand myself more so that i feel confident in every decision that i make. self understanding leads to rational reasons for every step that you take. when it doesn't work, you always feel like you don't know what you want in this life. like when you don't know which one is the best; being happy for the sake of someone else,and remain blur. or being ignorant to them but being happy for yourself. i know i know you can always say that the second choice is the best. but how much that it costs in one's life; you never know. i can portray you in my future, but then the rough ways always pave in. and i feel like almost giving up. i'm building myself to be better human being. hm. 

i'm not that kejam to get rid of people in my life without reason. or at least when i said that i had given it some try. and when it didn't work, i just felt sorry for myself that i couldn't bear in such tense in life.

and i always hope that things just get well; like it was in that dream. almost pun takpe. it's not about miracle only; it's the combination of faith, strength and doa.

every cloud has it's very own silver lining.

i hope you understand.

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